In my life I have always looked on to the next great adventure, college, travel, art college, job choices etc. and I was doing good as a spontaneous wild young thing, that is until adult life caught up with me. As millions about the world will tell you, at certain points you tend to get stuck in a rut. For whatever reason I have found myself in one for far longer than I would like to admit. I'm not going to go too much into that because that is the boring part of all this, hence my feelings that some change is needed. My main excuse however, is important so I will tell you it. I never have time. Time is my excuse for everything. I would do that if only I had more time, I would go here if only I had more time. You get where I'm going with this.
I expected a lot of things to happen in my life. Like a lot of people I had notions about being different etc. And I'll be honest in the grand scheme of things, among my friend group I probably am. I have made a lot of choices people might have questioned because my focus in life is not having a large bank balance but rather loving what I do and I have been very lucky to do what I love for the last three years. I work with kids as a childminder. Many people, including my family, fairly openly look down on my work choice but it is my opinion that one facet of a persons life is not enough to judge them on. As I said I have loved the last three years of my life. After college I didn't pursue my degree area and I went from one boring job to another ending up in an accountants office working as a secretary. It was not for me, I am scatter brained and find it hard to apply myself to tasks for long periods of time and these are definitely are not traits that a good secretary should possess. Needless to say I was in trouble a lot and doing a bad job unintentionally. After a year of toil I left and found work as a child minder. I really wanted to work with kids but not having a qualification limited me. I was lucky enough to find work with two lovely families and have been there since.
I get to go for walks on the beach while others sit in cold dark offices. I get to play with building blocks while others photocopy the same page 500000000 times. I think I'm the luckiest person in the world. And I am good at my job. It all comes natural to me. I have always wanted to be a mother and the one resounding comment everyone makes to me is "I'd say it makes you think twice about having kids eh?" and I'll be honest, it does the exact opposite. I have never wanted kids more than I do now. I love my job and I can't wait to have my own little ones who I don't have to say goodbye to at the end of the day.
However, as is the nature of my job, things have changed. The kids are both in school now and that means a reduction in my hours and a change of my job requirements. My boyfriend and I are lucky enough to be able to accept this hour reduction without it being too detrimental to our lives. He has recently started a new job as a preschool teacher in an Irish school. This allows me work less hours. I have been enjoying the last couple of weeks but a few things have become apparent to me.
Unfortunately the new schedule in my job has relegated me to a glorified cleaner and babysitter. I barely get downtime with the kids and the schedule is quite tight and stressful. I have lost the part of my job that I loved and it is making me assess my decisions regarding how much longer I will stay where I am. Also my boyfriend is working in my dream job. I would love to be in a preschool all day every day and while I am so proud and happy for him it is reminding me that my initial thoughts going into childminding were that I would do it while I got qualified in childcare and then move on. This hasn't transpired. Life got busy. I was the sole provider in our house for much of the last three years as I helped put my boyfriend through college. My boyfriend is one hundred per cent behind me and is happy to support us while I try and figure stuff out so I have been left with, for once, more time!
This in turn has made me aware of how much I have allowed life slip past me the last few years. I have become the person who will say "yes I'd love to do that" but won't actually take steps to do it.
I am most definitely lacking challenge in my life, in fact I have become scared of challenge.
I spent my life riding horses and believe me I fell off many times. I was never scared of falling, that is until I got good and went several years without falling. It became a massive object in my mind. I was scared of falling again. When I fell off all the time I knew it meant very little but the more I built it up in my mind the more terrifying it seemed. I have become afraid of falling in my life. I have gotten older and lost some of my childish bravery.
What if I'm not as smart as I was? What if I fluked my way through college the first time? What if our lives fall apart because I'm being selfish?
I'm here, in the rut, with many others and I want to change that.
I'm not going to start big. They say it takes a month to make or break a habit, however the habit I want to make in my life is fun, it's creativity. I want to say yes more.
Most people these days have some habit tracking app or something like that. My habits you ask?
1. Give up sugar.
2. Take your vitamins
4. Drink more water
I looked at them the other day and I thought..shit when did this happen? This isn't me.
Where did I lose my fun along the way? When did I lose my desire to challenge myself?
So I'm changing that,
Each thirty days I am going to pick a few things, small things to start and I am going to commit to them for 30 days. Just 30 days. I have more time. I have my whole life. If I can't give thirty days of my life to something fun then I have lost the essence of me.
I'm hoping to learn more about myself during this and maybe even find out what I want to do with my life who knows?
If your interested in seeing me push my boundaries then please feel free to join me. I might make you laugh you never know!
This month I am going to start with a few small things, some I will update daily about, others at the end of the week, others at the end of the month but everything will be documented here which brings me to my first task this month.
1. I will blog, EVERYDAY, for 30 days!
2. I will photograph the sunrise everyday for 30 days.
3. I will wear a different outfit everyday for 30 days.
4. I will wear a different lipstick everyday for 30 days.
That's it for these 30 days.
The only one with any addendum is to no.3 I will use the same jeans, leggings and tights as bases for each outfit but other than that I must wear something different everyday and I can repeat an item but not styled the same way!
And so I start my next great adventure!